Our Potty Training Journey

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Even the thought of beginning potty training was anxiety provoking for me. I began some investigation about the process months ahead of when we actually decided to bite the bullet and quickly discovered how enormous of an endeavor it was going to be. Not necessarily just the act of potty training itself, but all of the methods to choose from, the selecting of equipment and the mental load of preparing everyone for the process. Mental load is a huge source of overwhelm for me. And from talking to my mothering peers, it seems to be a weight for many mothers. Despite how present and helpful my partner can be, the lack of support with the planning for these big life changes can feel absent. Trying to ensure everything goes smoothly (in some part of my mind I even strive for “perfectly”, although by now I know better that that just isn’t reality) feels like a constant pressure. I have doubted myself continuously about when to post this and when it would feel like the potty training was “complete”. I am learning that in motherhood this journeys are never going to just be done or boxes can be checked. And as exhausting as that sounds, the constant change presents so much opportunity for growth and fulfillment. Motherhood is messy (a major understatement when it comes to potty training) AND it’s beautiful.

A huge disclaimer here is that I am not an expert in potty training. But I am a mom who has recently lived through it (let’s be honest, currently living) and hope that the sharing of my experience may help other mothers through the process. Not necessarily just with logistical tips that may have worked for my family, but to provide camaraderie and encouragement to know that the process is hard and that no one is alone. About a week into potty training Poppy and I were brave (let’s be serious, I was brave and she was just going about the day) and ventured to a local park. Several mothers were there and I had mentioned to a total stranger that we were within our first week of potty training. The immediate sympathy both in tone and facial expression that followed from this woman was one of the most reassuring things I can remember. I shared that the beginnings of potty training was the hardest thing I’ve done in motherhood thus far, without a doubt, and she wholeheartedly agreed. Hearing that another mother had struggled as well was obviously not something I wanted to hear but it dismissed many feelings of inadequacy and weakness I was having. It was a comfort and confidence boost that I very much needed. 

I began my research primarily into what products we would need to not only be successful but to also make the process as stress free as possible. The potty(s), underwear, wipes, organizational means for all the items in the bathrooms, and items for potty training while on the go. Details and links of my favorite at home potty training items also have a blog post all of their own.

We referenced several potty training resources and blogs, including but not limited to the Potty Training Consultant and 3 Day Potty Training by Lora Jensen. As with most things in parenting and life in general, I think finding resources and adapting the information to fit our situation is the best option. There were things about these guides that I didn’t necessarily agree with and that’s okay! I quickly learned however that a specific number of days, especially three days, is not how long it is going to take for completion of potty training. There are differing definitions of when a child is “trained” and be fully prepared that there will be ups and downs after the first few days, even if very successful. I decided on a method that completely eliminated diapers and avoided transition type items or using diapers intermittently. To my partner and I, this made the most sense and would minimize confusion for her. Pee and poop goes in the potty now and that was what we were working towards.

I have learned that preparing a toddler for change is beyond helpful (truly, it’s necessary), in not just potty training but in all aspects of life. I purchased potty training items for our home several months prior to committing to the process. (I have a post with my Favorite At-Home Potty Training Products and On-the-go Potty Training Products!). Having the items become a part of the normal household scenery made them less intimidating. We would practice sitting on the potty as well to make it something she was familiar with. There are several books that are favorites of ours, many that we owned well prior to starting potty training. These include What is Poop from Usborne Books, Potty (and also) Toot, both by Leslie Patricelli, and Daniel Tiger’s Potty Time Goes to the Potty The TV episode as well as the song Daniel Tiger Goes to the Potty is another HUGE favorite by all. I think this type of preparation is also helpful for the adults to be comfortable with discussing bowel and bladder habits with the little ones (because it is astonishing the amount one talks about poop and pee after starting this process). Additionally, it became apparent how important it is to have all the caretakers knowledgeable about the potty routine and preferences. Doing the best to build a consistent environment for the kiddo is important. This can also be a challenging thing to achieve based upon so many life factors and flexibility and gentleness by all is important too.

Then… I picked a day. A day to get rid of all the diapers and to start potty training. Numerous resources that I read said potty training was ideal between approximately 22-28 months (for the kiddos to have appropriate level of understanding but not too much independence). We started when Poppy was 24 1/2 months. I picked a day when I knew I would have several days off of work in a row so that I could do everything I could to keep things consistent, at least for the first few days. When the time got closer, the reminder of what was coming became more frequent. We discussed how many days until “no more diapers” and I even made a countdown paper chain that Poppy removed a link from each day.

And then No More Diapers! 

Day 1 of No Diapers was easily the hardest day I can remember. I am not even being dramatic. I knew that it was going to be hard but it was more stressful and unknown than I could have imagined. I felt like I did all I could to prepare, but there was obviously only so much I could control in the situation. Positive vibes only including “mm’s” for successful pee or poop in the potty, gentle reminders or where pee and poop goes, and praise for pooping regardless of where is happened where big initiatives on the list. We worked towards encouraging independence and recognition of the sensations to use the potty, rather than just using it on a scheduled manner. Of course, trying to use the potty before leaving the house as well as naps and bedtime are staples in our household plan (Daniel Tiger talks about this which is a huge motivator for it to happen).

We started off with Poppy wearing a t-shirt and underwear only. It quickly became apparent that it was very difficult to determine when the peeing started so we ditched the underwear and went bottomless. This was super helpful and we did this for about 1.5-2 days. Initially I put underwear back on for when she was napping/sleeping. I also learned after a few days that underwear free for naps and nighttime sleeping was also very helpful. It seemed to allow Poppy more awareness to when she was wet (both while it was happening or quickly after). Once she was dry bottomless, we eased back into underwear.

Pee recognition was the first thing that she got the hang of. We only had one successful event with pee in the potty on the first day (so if this is you, you are not alone even though it will probably feel like it). Sticking with the plan and staying consistent helped everyone and by day 3-4 she had good daytime pee control. Obviously accidents continued to happen occasionally but she really caught on very quickly. We took our favorite travel potty ever and “whipped it out” without shame when needed.

Naptime. Nap time was something that she caught onto within about a week of potty training. Poppy is still in a crib and we worked on practicing what to do if she has to use the potty – Stand up, say “Potty, Potty”, Mum (or other big person) will come and get you, take you to the potty, use the potty and go back to nap! Initially, as soon as she stirred mid-nap or at the end of nap we would go into her room and take her to the potty to encourage keeping her underwear dry and using the potty. This was really effective and worked for both pee and poop. Initially we had several successful and positive pooping on the potty experiences and it was going very well. At some point in the process, something shifted and there was much hesitation to pooping on the potty. Poppy likes to poop during her nap, I assume because it is a quiet, private and safe space. This is both a blessing and a curse. It is predictable in timing but often hard to catch as well. As some regressions happened initially, this was the time that was hit the hardest and pooping in the crib became more consistent. It also appeared to cause Poppy distress at times which is the last thing you want as a parent. Was it my fault? Did I start too soon? Did I start too late? Did I pick the wrong method? The questions that run through one’s mind at periods of high stress are endless. It seemed like as a mother no matter what I did didn’t work. It felt so defeating. And then I just let go a bit… for several days. We didn’t go back to diapers nor stop trying to encourage her, but to a point I let what was going to happen happen and just live. My partner and I worked very hard to get all caretakers on the same page and on what was happening and how best to support Poppy in this journey, which was ever changing. Finding a situation that felt comfortable and everyone settling into that helped move back towards potty pooping consistency. After a the mental break period, I found that quietly transitioning her to the potty when she stirred during nap time and keeping the bathroom dark, calm and creating privacy while closing the door was very helpful. Creating a space similar to her dark and quiet room during nap time I think made it feel safe for everyone. Poop was going back into the potty once more!

Potty training has definitely required some creative thinking throughout the rollercoaster of a process. There are many guides and influencers with tips and tricks, which are so helpful, but morphing those to adapt to your life is truly what gets it done. You know your family and your child and trust in yourself to make awesome decisions. In addition to making a dark and calm bathroom experience, after about 6 weeks of potty training we felt that out 26 month old could understand the concept of keeping her underwear dry all day. She has a calendar in her room that we began adding a sticker to in the evening for a full day of clean and dry underwear. It took a few days for her to catch on but it has actually been really helpful. Implementing a long term reward in addition to continuing intermittent immediate rewards (aka m&m’s) has added such a positive spin and helping her place the sticker, and watching her count all that she has collected so far, is heartwarming. The pride she feels for herself is evident.

Nighttime. We decided to potty train during the nighttime and daytime all in one go. As I said above, we caught onto daytime and nap time fairly quickly. During the night, she just wasn’t aware that she was wet. She did not cry or wake up and would actually just sleep in pee without any concerns. After about 2 weeks we decided to take some tips from Potty Training Consultant and try a dream pee – we would wake her up prior to us going to sleep (around 2 hrs after her going to bed), keeping things dark and quite while going to the bathroom and returning to bed. Poppy has been always been a fantastic sleeper (due to her inherent nature as well as sleep training and excellent scheduling on our part). The dream pee was not difficult for our family and she went right back to bed. We would then wake her as soon as she stirred in the morning, or just prior to her usual wake up time to use the potty. Initially when doing this we did bare bum time while sleeping. We had a few nights that she was dry but it was evident that there was so much effort and sleep disruption involved to achieve this. After about 4 weeks, we felt as a family it was not the right timing for nighttime training. Poppy missed her sleep sack (sleep sacks are virtually impossible to use initially while potty training due to the added layer and time removing it) and waking her up multiple times per night and abruptly in the morning to use the potty did not appear to be developmentally appropriate for her (or us as parents). I purchased cloth diapers for night time from Nora’s Nursery and love them! It actually makes me wish I would have used some cloth diapers previously. We use them with the bamboo inserts that they come with and also do have additional hemp inserts (hemp is more absorbent and slower to absorb for more feelings of wetness) that we used initially but do not seem to need as leaks are infrequent. We still use the potty before bedtime and as soon as we wake up. We have minimized the intermittent wakings and the daily laundry with the use of the cloth diapers and I still feel as though we are pushing forward and not regressing back to the prior disposable diapers she was used to. We will give it ago again in a few months when I feel she is waking up dry more frequently. And it is okay! (I’m telling myself and well as the world).

This post was just so hard to write (I’ve been writing it for weeks). I am so proud of Poppy for her strength and all that she has learned in this new and complex situation. And I am so proud of myself too. But at times, especially with difficulties and regressions, it is so hard not to have feelings of failure. Not only failure if the process not going smoothly and not complete, but also guilt when failing to remain positive and calm at all times. We have a book that we read to Poppy that says, “we feel our feelings everyday” and isn’t that just the truth. She feels feelings, and I feel feelings and it’s okay for us to feel them. It’s human to have feelings – and sometimes things are hard. And that is okay too. I continue to learn more about myself and become stronger each day of this journey. Even when things feel at a low, a point where the weight of it seems so heavy, there is another high point coming to make the low feel like just another bump along the road. The trend is upwards, even with the bumps and potholes. I try to remind myself that I am strong, I am doing a good job and I am a good mom. Seems trivial, but it’s important to be kind and gentle with yourself too.

If you’re potty training – I see you! Good job mama (and dada and everyone involved) and stay strong! Let us know below if you are in the thick of things for some much needed moral support.

Let’s talk soon,
Al