Poppy’s Birth Story.

Reflecting on one’s birth story can be so joyful but can also bring back many emotions of the surrounding days. The experience of every woman is truly unique, and in that, it is amazing. The whole idea of pregnancy and delivery is just surreal. I know this has been happening for thousands of years in so many different cultures and settings but the concept of growing a human from just small cells and delivering that human into the world is so difficult to wrap your head around (even after going through it myself). The weight gained, the organs squished, the skin and muscles stretched in just approximately 40 weeks, to then delivery a small being into the world, and then that body miraculously makes its way back towards (not exactly to, of course) where is was prior – as I said, surreal.

My partner and I experienced the delivery together and I would not change a thing about that. I feel absolutely beyond fortunate to have had the journey that I did, in good health and without complication. I say this not in a way to boast or cast negatively onto other’s journeys, but because I know that this isn’t always the case. Being a healthcare provider and a person with friends who are also mothers, I know the abundance of complications and difficulties that can happen during the perinatal and delivery processes. Having a support system and a faithful medical team to carry women through whatever the journey may be is so beneficial to the process.

It is amazing the power of other’s thoughts and experiences has on you as a person, as a mother. I think this is a large societal shift recently with social media and the constant comparison present. I bring this up because as wonderful and as peaceful as I felt about the delivery of my daughter, there have been times, especially during my perinatal yoga training, that I began to feel that I was less for the experience I had. The mind races to other possible scenarios – I should have planned better and had an un-medicated delivery and this natural, euphoric experience OR why would I even consider that, a medicated birth is the norm now and the “right way”. And after reflecting on that even further… how ridiculous is that? How have we become such a society of competition and comparison that I could be questioning my healthy and “normal” delivery, an experience that my husband and I truly thought was pleasant and amazing? I am so proud of myself, and the three of us, and who we all are and have become. And nothing can or should change that.

So here’s our story.

Poppy was due on a Thursday in February 2020. That day came and went. I went to work, in the operating room, and returned home without any signs of labor. Bummer. The next few days were also fairly uneventful. I had some mild but regular contractions that were not convincing on Friday, but I did go in for an exam to be sure; and only 1 cm dilated (womp, womp). On Saturday, we decided to go for a 2 mile hike with my husband’s family as it was unseasonably warm and we needed something to do to pass the time and keep my mind at ease. It was not the easiest walk of my life by any means but it felt good. It felt like just a normal walk, without the sense that our lives were going to change so significantly any day.

We have a fantastic king bed with all white sheets and a white duvet. Towards the end of my pregnancy I snuck a waterproof “chux pad” (this is what they are often called in healthcare but there are many names for them) under my blanket in the fear that my “water” would break while I was sleeping and ruin my wonderful sheets. Of course, everyone I told of my set up made fun of me (no surprise here). Jokes on them though, because that’s what happened. I woke up on Sunday morning around 4:30am to a feeling of wetness (by no means enough to soak through anything let alone a blanket and onto the chuck pad, but regardless I was prepared). I laid there in hopes of going back to sleep but continued to have the sensation. I made my way to the bathroom and the fluid was pink tinged and moderate in volume. My partner was still sleeping, so I tried to gently wake him up without much success. I walked around the upstairs a bit, walking in and out of the nursery, and did feel some contractions. I didn’t start a timer but they were about every 5-7 minutes from what I recall. I called my Obstetrician’s (OB) office and informed then of my suspicion that my bag of waters has ruptured. I was pleased to have my favorite OB in the practice answer and state she was on call all day. We are fortunate enough to live only 1 mile away from the hospital so it was recommended to eat breakfast and then make our way to the hospital. I woke up my partner to tell him what was going on. Despite being 40.3 weeks (3 days after my due date), he was still somehow adorably surprised. I changed my clothes, grabbed a large pad and made my way to the kitchen. I nibbled some Cheerios and fruit. While eating a significantly larger amount of fluid appeared, making it evident what was happening. We were ready to go. We grabbed the bag (which had way too much in it) and we were off.

My partner dropped me off in the Emergency Department (ED) entrance per the hospital protocol and went to park the car. I walked in to the ED, told the person at the desk why I was there and then a person from Labor and Delivery (L&D) came down to walk me up to the L&D triage suite. They checked me in and I changed into a gown (there was a large amount of leaking in the gown without underwear which was not the most pleasant feeling…). My partner arrived with the bag from parking the car. The resident came in to evaluate me and did a litmus paper test to confirm the the fluid present was in fact amniotic fluid and that my bag of waters had ruptured. It was obviously positive. The resident did a bimanual exam as well and I was 3 cm dilated. The plan was to move to the L&D suite and my care team recommended to start Pitocin since my membranes had ruptured earlier in order to continue my labor progressing. They started an IV, pushed me on the stretcher to the L&D suite and hooked us up to the monitors (for contraction rate and fetal heart rate). I met my L&D nurse, who was such a wondering person (she was helpful but also not too clingy, which was perfect for me).

Following that, the anesthesia resident came to say hello and discuss pain control options. He was very nice, direct and confidence inspiring. I informed him that my goal was to see how it went, what I could tolerate and decide from there. I knew if I did decide on analgesia though, it would be an epidural (I wanted to avoid narcotics). My OB also stopped in to say hello and confirm I was able to walk around, sit on the labor ball, etc. I was able to have clear liquids per the hospital policy so I even got a red popsicle – how exciting! In fact, the only picture I have from my actual labor is me bouncing on my ball with my popsicle. Luckily for us, even when we first got to triage, a Parks and Recreation marathon was on. We watched this for several hours and just enjoyed the start of the morning. Because this was pre-pandemic, both of our mothers were allowed to be in the L&D suite (3 person maximum). They came and said hello for a few minutes and then left for the waiting room, leaving my husband and I to ourselves – which we very much desired and preferred. What a blessing to undergo such a life shifting experience with my favorite person. Throughout the experience, the love I had for him certainly grew. He was so calm and comforting and supportive – more than I could have ever asked for, including popsicles, back rubs and cold wash cloths for my forehead. (I think he surprised himself too with his level of involvement and lack of fainting as well ha!).

The contractions exponentially increased in pain and frequency. My nurse said this was due to the Pitocin (I’m not sure if she was expanding upon the truth to make me feel better or not but it was kind of her to say). I decided at around 12pm to get an epidural. In addition to the pain, I was exhausted. In reflecting on in it in hindsight, I think it was mostly fear of what was to come. I was just unsure how the process would go and I had worry that I would be too exhausted to enjoy the experience or fail to do what I needed to do not knowing how long it may go on for. [This has given me much insight into the need for a strong plan with multiple coping techniques if there is a plan for a non-medicated delivery. The assistance of a doula or midwife would also be so supportive, although not having one myself I cannot fully confirm these strong suspicions]. The anesthesia resident returned and the epidural was placed quickly, without complication and was honestly magic. I was 5 cm, fully effaced when they placed it. I sat with my legs off the side of the bed, with my husband supporting me and my upper body. I felt the lidocaine injection (which burns) but did not feel the actual placement. The contraction pains went from an 8-9 to a 1-3 on a scale of 1-10. My husband would watch the contraction monitor, one of his favorite pastimes during my labor, and I couldn’t really feel the contractions as he saw them. The epidural was actually so helpful that I took a nap. A literal nap – for about an hour. It was amazing.

The OB came back at around 3pm and I was then 7 cm. We transitioned from Parks and Rec to the The Office and at 4pm, she came back for another cervical check. I was expecting 8 cm but when she told me I was 10 cm and ready to go I was truly a bit shocked. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like my body didn’t know what to do either. I was in labor, but somehow still caught off guard that I was ready to push and deliver my kid. I felt physically and mentally rushed. With the help of her and my nurse we attempted a few pushes, which were uncoordinated and a bit discouraging. I wasn’t feeling a lot of pressure (obviously I had an epidural but was hopeful for some sense of what to be doing). We decided to hold off a little longer and try again in about an hour. In hindsight, I feel that it was such an amazing move of my provider to not push me into a time agenda or schedule and allow me some space and time to feel more ready.

That hour came and went and the OB was back. And we were ready – myself, Poppy and my husband. He was amazing – so supportive and encouraging but also involved and excited. If he was nervous, I didn’t feel it at all which is what I really needed (because I certainly was). His face just showed joy – moments that I will never forget. He held my left leg while my nurse held the right. I began to push in the stretcher as it was and I was happy to hear that they were much more effective. They then broke down the end of the bed and it was go time. We grabbed the portable speaker and started the playlist we made. It was such a joy to have music that I knew. There was many more smiles (and even laughs) throughout the actual delivery than I had anticipated, and I think that was because of the music and everyone’s interactions surrounding it. My OB’s demeanor was a perfect fit for us. She was non-alarmist and calm but very motivating and encouraging with each push. Throughout the whole labor she would say, “It’s going to happen no matter what” with a small smirk on her face and obviously she was right. This phrase certainly took some pressure off though which I much needed (and I think she sensed my uncertainty and just took it in stride).

Before long, everyone could see her head (including her hair). At one point they told me to reach down and feel her head. Despite being a healthcare provider (and seeing my far share of ridiculous things over the years), this was a bit scary and bizarre for me – but I did it. I pushed for 40 minutes and then she was out – 6:06pm. (The OB had some disappointment that Baby by Justin Bieber was playing in that moment but it was pretty cute in my opinion.) What a truly overwhelming and joyous sensation of emotions. I don’t think there is a word or even cluster of words to describe the feelings. I cried. And my husband and I cried together with pure joy as they placed her on my chest. It was amazing how seamless the nurses were in the background at this point (you barely even noticed they were there). The OB team and their jobs post delivery of the baby (delivering the placenta and sewing a tear) felt invisible too. My husband wanted to cut the cord and more than deserved to do so given how involved and strong he was. They left her on my chest for about an hour. It was time that I am so beyond grateful for – time that moved so slowly and quickly at the same time. I was nauseous post delivery and did vomit my cherry popsicle, which myself and the staff certainly got a good laugh about, given the color (I also had red jello at some point as well). The stork nurse (baby nurse) then came in and took Poppy and did all her measurements, medications and foot prints. (They foot printed our baby book which we brought with us which was so nice too!). My husband then had the opportunity to do skin to skin which I am so glad he took. Our families were anxious to meet the baby but pausing that until the three of us had our time to bond was so grounding. And reassuring for us all.

During their time together, the nurse discontinued by epidural and helped me to the bathroom. I had a new nurse at this point as the shift change was at 7:00pm but she was excellent as well. Very quickly in the aftermath she taught me how to get all “situated” with the “situation”. It was definitely complex – disposable brief underwear, two jumbo pads, wet wash cloths to pat (not wipe), one dry to pat dry and numbing spray. She showed me how to use the peri bottle while peeing with warm water to dilute the pee for less burning (tucks pads and ice packs made their way into the process slightly later). There was so much to learn and so much recovery to be had but also so much joy which clearly balanced it out. They tucked us all in, now that we were snuggled and clean, and wheeled us to the postpartum floor for the next part of our journey – as a family of three.

Reflecting back upon this journey (and the journal entry I made closer to the date) brings me warmth and peace. As my child approaches the age of two it feels like the time has gone so quickly. Not without joys and struggles, but feeling the bond that was created during my labor and delivery is something that will not change. And I’m so thankful for my little family.

I hope you can take the time to reflect on your journey as well. The good, the bad, the ugly and the everchanging.

Let’s talk soon,
Al